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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in magnos2121's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, September 18th, 2007
1:25 pm
when summer ends winter begins
so i know im slacking on the updated. im working on it.  today i suddenly feel alone. i look back on all my selfish actions and i really hope i can change myself for the better. i want to be better financially  and mentally. 

i was reading thru this journal deleting alot of entries which  when i look back on made me frustrated that i ever posted them.  

im hoping i will be able to quit target soon. while the pay is decent it isnt decent compared the amount  of bullshit i deal with everyday... 


i have to go to work in a little bit but i would rather just say fuck it and stay home.... 


oh and big news. on septembert 1st i took mickie out to dinner at red lobster and asked her to marry me. "SHE SAID YES :)

i know we have a long way to go but  i love her and cant think of anyone else i would want by my side.

time will heal all wounds..(thats what i keep telling myself)














Current Mood: sigh
Saturday, August 4th, 2007
11:09 pm
summer is winter
so its been over a month since i have posted. i cant think of anything to significant that has happened. the 28th of july was my bday. yeah the big bad leo. 

didnt end up really getting anything or doing anything. was supposed to go see the blue man group beut mickie was a bridesmaid in a friend of her's wedding so instead i ended up going to the wedding with her..
at least i got to spend time with her..

i am sick of target.. the management is so screwy. its so stressful and full of needless drama.
im starting to lose any caring i had about it. i slack off whenever i can. also i care less and less about the customers.
i had a interview at spencers in the mall last week. and have another one with them on thurs.
 i want to be a keyholder but at least work their part time as well as get a job somewhere else.

the year is coming to the end in a few months and i have not accomplished much. with which i am rather dissapointed with myself. 

today i went and saw the simpsons movie. as a simpsons fan since birth i loved it. i watched "chuck and larry" 
and it was funny but way to drawn out.  toward the end i was just wanting it to end....

i have felt out of sorts today. mickie is in gainesville with 2 friends of her's from south florida for a bridal shower for one of their college buddies. 

last night we went out to dinner. we ate at outback and spent about $92 but in reality it was only like $2 plus the tip because we had 2 free $45 dollar gift certificates. her friends spent the night and i think when they get back they are spending one more night..... 

i havent toked in over a year.  and i really want to. only i prob will have a drug test if i get another job so im holding off at least until my job result is solid....

its hard because i have a lil nug and i want to smoke it so bad. instead im reading high times and myspacing it while smoking my "spirit walk" its a herbal blend with wild lettuce,broom,passion vine, and a few other herbal "highs"

i sincerely believe that substances not only have spiritual use but also have the power to unlock the happiness in life. i believe that 99% of people cant be happy. because of chemicals that were present in our parent's at  our birth.
especially in a world of false gratification. but i do believe that substances hold the key for unlocking the door to eternal  genuine happiness. that there is a
chromosome which  controls being happy. and if there is a chemical reaction in the brain because of a certain substance chemical reaction that it will unlock the chromosome.

for thousands of years dmt,marijuana,mushrooms,salvia divinorium and dozens of other subtances have been use for shamanic and religious purposes and well as self enlightenment. 

for instance the main chemical in shrooms is good for therapy for those who have bipolar. 


the aztects and countless other civilizations cant be wrong... its just a matter of unlocking the door..

i love the works of timothy leary,daniel pinchbeck,alexander shugin,terrence mckenna,adolous huxley to name a few.

some people have spent their whole life's looking for how to unlock the door so its futile from a realist view.
but from a optomist view anything is possible.  im caught in between those 2 trains of thought....


everyday there is a inner war and im the greatest casualty 

Current Mood: apathetic
Monday, July 2nd, 2007
1:29 am
wow
so its been way to long since i have updated. 
too much has gone on and i dont know where to start.  so pardon me if its cryptic. i will try to update more continually. basically the past however many months its been aside. im living in merrit island in a nice apartment which i share with mickie. and i work at target. and hopefully if i can raise the $20 g's i need i will be opening up my own record/alternative store. :) more on all that later
Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
3:13 pm
i wont fall for it next time

im moving on. past that point. for my own well being... alot on my mind....

i was just reading something about how drinking diet soda makes you fat. why are poeple so dumb? like the people who follow the atkins diet. why follow the diet of a guy who died obese and of heart disease?? and why drink diet soda that tastes like ASS when it  only makes you more fat??
 they did a study between people who drank regular and diet soda's. over a 8 year period the people who drank diet soda had a 55% chance of being overwieght.  a 22% lead over regular soda drinkers.  

people are such sheep.




So here's the truth
you were right all along
they were never my friends
and I was living a lie
but I won't fall for it next time

You figured me out
I'm like a leaf in the wind
I try to find who I am
but wind up lost in the end
sometimes it's hard to know what's real when your not

'Cause you know I change myself
to impress whoever happens to be next to me
but I'm sick of trying so hard
waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
don't give up believe
I'd wait it out for you
waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
don't give up believe
I'd wait it out for you

Everyday I'm just making my rounds
just digging a home six feet underground
sometimes it's hard to know what's real when you're not

'Cause you know I change myself
to impress whoever happens to be next to me
but I'm sick of trying so hard
waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
don't give up believe
I'd wait it out for you
waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
don't give up believe
I'd wait it out for you

Nothing's here for me
Nothing's here for me
But you
Nothing's here for me
But you

Waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
don't give up believe
I'd wait it out for you
waste all your time with me
I know I'm a mess right now
don't give up believe
I'd wait it out for you

I'd wait it out for you!
I'd wait it out for you!

Current Mood: discontent
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
9:50 am
Liars And Battlelines"


It's hard to believe a liar
When she's calling out your name.
The signals are calling out so well.

You called her lover
She punished you so deep.
Her voice rings out like a beautiful melody.

I'm breaking all the angles.
I'm falling down in circles.
I am gasping for sleep.

And did you see me falling?
Like a sun down in the evening
I am so dark and weak.

So she's packing up to leave for good now.
Battlelines have been drawn out love.
And when we drive, we'll take that long way home.
And I apologize for bleeding words.
We'll pack our things up like we should
And go our way back home.

It's hard to believe a story
That's been told so well.
All these lines are sounding the same.

Cross my fingers
Hold your breath
Suburban legend, queen of that.
I leave you with this beautiful melody.

So she's packing up to leave for good now.
Battlelines have been drawn out love.
And when we drive, we'll take that long way home.
And I apologize for bleeding words.
We'll pack our things up like we should
And go our way back home.


Current Mood: numb
9:48 am
blue roses
Close the door and leave me inside.
I'll miss the fireworks burning in those eyes.
Remember the songs that we used to sing?
Come August I'll still be singing.
Don't be the one to fall out of line.
Watch the blue roses fall from your hands.
Remember summer when all had second chances?
Someday you'll see.
Come August, I'll still be singing.
Don't be the one to say goodbye.

I've gotta get out of here.
You're so cold.
I've gotta get out of here.

Someday those scribbled lines will be straight.
Conversations will never bare your name.

August came and left town
You're such a beautiful sound.
I remember the days when you used to call my name.
I was so blind to think you'd be the one.
Blue roses on her tongue.
You were a beautiful sound.
You were such a beautiful sound.

Don't be the one to fall out of line.
Don't be the one to say goodbye.

I've gotta get out of here.
You're so cold.
I've gotta get out of here.
It's what you wanted.

Current Mood: apathetic
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
3:48 pm
under attack
i saw emery at the house of blues on sunday. along with a static lullaby,scary kids scaring kids,red jumpsuit apparatus,kaddisfly.
i will go more into details of that and my day at islands of adventure yesterday some other time..
right now im very depressed. its pouring rain outside. and i dont if that has contributed any. i stayed in bed most of the day. listening to music and crying my eyes out for reasons unknown to myself....... i wish  i could understand why.....

i got to go to work...


you've taken this too far
now it has to stop
you've taken this too far

once again
the table's turned
and i'm behind
picking up the pieces from the night

my face is scarred
sometimes
i feel that i can't trust myself at all

and every time the sky
(every time the sky)
breaks open with sunshine
as streaming swords collide
(streaming swords collide)
it takes me back in time

i float away
to another place
where heaven is waiting
right outside

this is war
can I take it anymore? (can I take it anymore?)
i'm falling faster and bleeding more
than i have bled before
certain death (this blade will carve a purpose)
lingers on the other hand (and make you feel defeated)
but i will fight you
and victory will be mine in the end

circumstances mean nothing
when it's over
we will be
heroes constantly
pushing forward without any fear

if i erased the line between
forgotten days and memories
i'd never change

resolution made in vain
to face (to play out) the day
life is yours to save (save it)
or take (take it) away
Monday, February 5th, 2007
12:31 pm
maybe bin laden was right.
.
 i find it amusing and yet odd how the events of 9/11 spurred more lies,misdirection and false wars instead of opening our eyes as to why it happened. and for all the politically correct people who think if you talk against your country's actions your anti your country you apparently really dont understand freedom. REAL freedom. perhaps u need to read some john locke and edmund burke and maybe a little thomas jefferson.
9/11 happened because of our support of israel and our continued presence in the middle east. 9/11 may have been a tragedy but no more of a tragedy then us killing women and children and falsely imprisoning and torturing people. no more a tragedy then supporting israel which has systematically commited acts of genocide against the muslims.
and why iraq? when all the 9/11 hijackers were saudi's?
why saddam when rumsfeld and other leaders of ours sold him the very chemical weapons he supposedly had?
the aftermath of 9/11 should have showed us the true terrorists. not some foreigners who happened to believe in a perhaps misguided religion but our very system. our goverment didnt only declare war on iraq and the rest of the world they declared war on us. they tapped our phones,they arrested people who wore anti bush shirts because they refused to take them off,the bankrupted us even more with the billions of dollars spent on the war. why do we need million dollar submarines? last time i checked the middle east wasnt launching war in the water.
the goverment has become a war machine. shouldnt we have focused more on defense and social issues within our own country? which is more an act of terrorism bombing a building and killing 3,000 people? or focusing overseas on false wars based lies meanwhile allowing people to be homeless and ignoring the huge gang and milita movement in this country.
you know how many people die each year from domestic terrorism? from poverty? ect.. each year in this country? way more then 3,000 people. ever wonder why the president was so quick to focus on iraq? because he knew he wasnt intelligent enough to help us solve our problems so he figured hey"why not misdirect them? because after all isnt that what the"war on terror" is about? misdirection same as the "war on drugs."
it keeps people's mind's of our own social ill's.
and thats why things will never change. because we the people who are supposed to make the goverment's decisions allow the goverment to do whatever it pleases. what ever happened to goverment by the people for the people?

as long as ignorance in our midst exists we will never win the "war on terror" because ignorance and apathy and misdirection all go hand in hand with REAL terrorism....




We believe that the biggest thieves in the world are Americans and the biggest terrorists on earth are the Americans.


If the American government is serious about avoiding explosions inside the U.S., then let it stop provoking the feelings of 1,250 million Muslims.
Wednesday, January 31st, 2007
9:37 am
glass stings my lungs
this song is so fucking awesome. i have thier music video on a ferret records video compilation. the song is on you tube. def check it out.
its been awhile since i updated huh?. not because nothing  interesting is going on just that i like to put deep thought into things and psycho analyze ther shit out of them before i put them into written word... 

adios for the moment.



This time was our summer
It was something no one could take from us
Sometimes that night seems so close
Like I could hold it
You said alright we'll be fine
But how could we have known
Do you remember
Roll down the window and let in night air
I always thought we'd be together
You said that we'd never gone this way before
I must not let you die
Your memory survives
Hope that tonight things are fine
As I lay awake
The light cuts the southern sky
And that glass stings my lungs
These scars they will always remind me of you
And how you are always with me
Won't you stay and be with me tonight
Don't you know i tried to find those pictures with no light
I lost them as I lost you
Waiting to see and be with you again
Wishing the best for you my lost firend
To hear you laugh one last time
I hope you know I tried to find those pictures Jordo
Of us that night in Detroit with The Preshure Point
And I now feel the need to fly
And I now feel the need to hide inside your loving arms
Man i swear I'd give the whole things up for you


Wednesday, December 6th, 2006
2:46 pm
somewhere over the rainbow
im tired of living in limbo land. in the back of my mind is a nagging voice. it tells me what to do. even if what i need to do is heart wrenching.
"somewhere over the rainbow there is a land that i heard of once in a lullaby" i cant wait till tomorrow when im off work again...
i wish sex,drugs,alcohol,anything,something would fill the hole in my chest. 
im not sure how to describe my feelings.. i need to learn how to budget my money better... among other things....
catch yall on the flipside.
Monday, November 20th, 2006
3:29 pm
some of the best songs eever
just a list of some of the  awesome songs i have been listening to lately

nine inch nails-the great below
the dresden dolls- sing
the dresden dolls-bad habit
sia-breath me
red jumpsuit apparatus-your guardian angel
red jumpsuit apparatus-cat and mouse
red jumpsuit apparatus-atrophy
red jumpsuit apparatus-false pretense
bush-glycerine
bright eyes-a perfect sonnet
bright eyes-something vague
bright eyes take it easy(love nothing)
bright eyes-if winter ends
bright eyes-haligh,haligh,a lie,haligh
breaking benjamin-rain
thrice-stare at the sun
thrice-the artist in the ambulance
thrice red sky
thrice-under a killing moon
sum 41-pieces
staind-epiphany
staind -price to play
staind- zoe jane
the beatles-eleanor rigby
the beatles-let it be
the beatles-with a little help from my friends
foo fighters everlong
korn-alone i break
blue october-come in closer
blue october-HRSA
blue october-inner glow
blue october-chameleon boy
blue october-quiet mind
blue october amazing
five iron frenzy-new years eve
five iron frenzy-on distant shores
smile empty soul-with this knive
smile empty soul-this is war
rise against-the approaching curve
rise against-rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated
rise against-roadside
rise against-paper wings
rise against everchanging
rise against-like the angel
rise against-life less frightening
skillet-open wounds
skillet -my obsession
skillet- imperfection
Tsunami Bomb-being alright
Tsunami Bomb - Dawn On A Funeral Day
thursday-running from the rain
thursday-the lovesong writer
killswitch engage-the end of heartache
killswitch engage-my last serenade
killswitch engage-rose of sharyn
demon hunter-the tide began to rise
demon hunter-infected
demon hunter-my heartstrings come undone
east west-she cries
darkest hour-with a thousand words to say but one
kittie-into the darkness
anberlin-paper thin hymn
anberlin-ready fuels
limp bizkit-build a bridge
ian van dahl-i cant let you go
ian van dahl-where are you now?
tupac-my block
norma jean-memphis will be laid to waste
emery-walls
emery-fractions
emery-disguising mistakes with goodbyes
rufio-tears
the spill canvas-all hail the heartbreaker
unwritten law-teenage suicide
as i lay dying-forever
As I Lay Dying - The Darkest Nights
atreyu-right side of the bed
atreyu-the crimson
atreyu-bleeding mascara
atreyu-aint love grand
atreyu-ex's and oh's
The Honorary Title "Everything I Once Had"
finch-what it is to burn
haste the day-the closest thing to closure
scary kids scarying kids-my darkest hour
Bullet For My Valentine - Tears Dont Fall
armor for sleep - the truth about heaven
armor for sleep - car underwater
Just Surrender - "Tell Me Everything"
Just Surrender - I Can Barely Breathe
Funeral For A Friend - Streetcar
Funeral For A Friend - Juneau
funeral for a friend-roses for the dead
funeral for a friend-red is the new black 



im reading this book called"skin city" by jack sheehan
its about the sex industry in vegas. now if you know me well you know about my opinions on human sexuality. as a libertarian i believe your body is your personal property to do with as you please.when it comes to sexuality its a womans world. most females dont seem to know that though. you always hear things like"porn is demeaning" stripping is demeaning" ect...
consider this. females in the adult film industry get paid way way more then guys and they get pampered. guys get a few hundreds bucks and a swift kick in the ass. every year for the last few years i go to a stripclub for my birthday. again women make so much money from that. depending on her ability to "work it" practically any female can strip but you have to be ripped in some way to be a male stripper. sexuality is a female's greatest tool. its the ultimate feminism.
reading the book is kind of frustrating to me. why you ask? because the people involved in the adult industry are making that $$. they arent doing the 9 to 5. they are living life on their own terms. i want my own concert venue and clothing company. i want life on my own terms instead of working at target 8 hours a day.
today is a day i just feel like ripping out my hair and screaming.
been listening to this song all day check this out.



Current Mood: blah
Monday, November 6th, 2006
7:17 pm
Love In Slow Motion


I will always feel. And I will always care
I wish she was my enemy
But I'm still waiting here for her to hold my hand
For her to steal my breath
For her to pick up the pieces of promises never kept
She moves in slow motion.
Sonically as the rain.

As the rain falls down.
Everything is still as she moves to me.
Stands still.
Maybe I'll do better on my own
Why does everything disappear?
When all I see is you alone...

And her love moves slowly
This time now I'm dying for you to call my name
I'm waiting. Still Fading
So tell me I'm not alone
I'm still waiting
I'm still fighting

Wake me from this sleep
So I can begin living
Or give me the solution
So I can start dying
Will I start living, or start dying?
Maybe I'll do better on my own
Why does everything disappear
When all I see is you alone
And her love moves slowly
This time now I'm dying for you to call my name
I'm waiting. Still fading
So tell me I'm not alone...



Current Mood: depressed
7:15 pm
The pain you've caused has built who I've become
Now we might as be strangers.


I'm going blind from staring at your eyes because they release the fire of a thousand suns, but I've become so numb I can barely shed a tear, even if you cut the strings that hold my head up.


We are nothing.
A lost cause for a lost cause.
The hourglass is a loaded gun.
Running short of sand



I'm the sheep who lost his way
Still looking for it everyday





Now what do you want from me?
When I've sacrificed my heart so you can be set free
And time will never cure this disease
I'm only left with tired arms to stop from drowning

This is loveless
Your love is hopeless

Do you remember
On that night I couldn't find the words to say I'm sorry
If you recall that night you ripped my heart right out
Before saying I loved you Do you believe in this
Do you believe in me
If you believe in love
Would you believe in me

So what will you take from me
I'm the man without a soul a soul for you to seek
And time will never cure your disease
I'm only left with
Tired arms to stop from drowning.


Yesterday I reached my end.
Now I'm watching you leave me.
And today I feel sick. I hear voices now
This girl is killing. Her face was pale.
She couldnt't even shed a single tear over my lifeless body.
She dosn't realize because she never loved me.
Today I hate myself. Look what I've done to you.
See what you've done to me. You sent me straight to hell.
Now is this confession pointless. Was my love entirely useless?
She'll never know because I'm face down in the ground.
Underground. Face down underground. Tonight I killed myself.
They said a prayer standing over my body. Rusty casket.
Empty funeral. Is this confession pointless?
Was her love completely truth-less?
She dosn't care even now that I'm gone.
That night you left. The night I died.
The air was cold set for a brilliant suicide.
That night was still. The night you left was
The Night I Died


all of the above were beautiful words from bleeding though  if you cared.
Tuesday, October 10th, 2006
10:55 am
10:45 am
the umbrella
i found this story somewhere and thought it was good enough to share. the umbrellaCollapse )

 

 

Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
3:13 pm
do you have the ransom?
i have the mood on ehre as cold and yet im really not sure what mood im in.
seriously. i feel like im in a hamster wheel. running faster and faster. like a treadmill and yet im not getting anywhere at all its kind of maddening. im shaking and kinda full of anxiety. i cant get my little girl out of my head... i havent updated in ehre in ages. and i never really get into details of my life because i dont care to share my daily life with the world...
i have lost to much... and gone too far... i know longer know what im seeking but i will elt you know when i find it. i feel so stupid. so many times i believed that my love for her and her love for me would get us thru. when inm reality i believe there was more love on my end then on the other end. i should have closed the door a long time ago but for some reason i couldnt...
even seeing her picture brings a tingle down my spine and creates a bubble in my chest..
even up until very recently i believed there could be a future. im such a sucker for destruction



Sending shivers right down your spine
It's something that you're prone to so divine
You were better at lies (I was never surprised)
at the way that it felt
Now feel the blade (I was always insane)
but you're the one that needs help

(Quick!) We have the ransom
Tell me how that you can swim when ropes are wrapped around your limbs
(Below!) There's no more chances
So tell me now that you can swim when ropes are wrapped around your limbs

Breathing slowly never worked for me
I cut the throat of betrayal to watch him bleed
a poetic sonnet passion that I scream to the sky
I'm tearing up I feel your love don't leave me behind
a poetic sonnet passion that I scream to the sky
I'm tearing up I feel your love please don't leave me behind

The smell of vanity went away
I followed streetlights till I wound up at your place
We traced our veins (we bled for days)
The current was strong enough tonight
I can taste any more
It lasted on my tongue
You weren't strong enough to say

(Quick!) We have the ransom
Tell me how that you can swim when ropes are wrapped around your limbs
(Below!) There's no more chances
So tell me now that you can swim when ropes are wrapped around your limbs

Grab my heart
Take this down
With your soul
and bury it in the ground
Go

I talked to you today
I heard the tremble in your voice cradle the fall
I know you'll never change so please just hold on
I know it's hard for you
it's hard to understand betrayal within
there is a fine line between betrayal (betrayal) and your friends

Tell me how that you can swim when ropes are wrapped around your limbs
(Quick!) We have the ransom
So tell me how that you can swim when ropes are wrapped around your limbs

Current Mood: cold
Monday, September 18th, 2006
10:03 am
what it's worth
i still hate you....
especially after it all...



Can't pretend that you're nothing special
You've got to look at all of your options
You can't decide what to go for
When it's all about trust
You see yourself on the TV
You read your magazines
You can't explain how it's come to be this
Stop and think...
When it's all about trust

THIS COVERAGE, your centre spread
YOUR NEON LIGHT DAYDREAM will
Shatter and break
AND IF YOU THINK I'M THINKING OF
YOUR VALUE HERE
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S LOSING CONTROL

This eventual stop, this break in the mould
I scream down this hotline
Just to feel something

THIS SITUATION isn't getting any better
I SEE THAT LOOK IN YOUR EYES (the look in your eyes)
YOU WANT TO SEE A PRETTY FACE?
There isn't anything wrong with giving up
And for what it's worth
I STILL HATE YOU
8:53 am
this could end in tragedy
i had a pretty good weekend. it went by really fast. sat night i ended up hanging out with my friend kristan. went over to her apt was supposed to watch a movie but had technical issues. so ended up being silly instead. it was the 2nd time we had hung out. but it was cool. we just layed there looking at each other not saying a word. at first we ended up cracking up but after awhile we could sit there in serious silence and just gaze at each other. it was cool. i mean how often do people do that? yesterday was a really good day and i felt really loved and cared about. i woke up today thinking about kate. i slept bad last night.. and i cant for the live of me figure out why. i find it ironic how fast good days go and how slow bad days go...
i wish there was a way to erase memories sadly thats impossible..


You Put A Bullet In My Head
Turned Black Thoughts To Red
This Could All End In Tragedy

I Dream Of You Dead That Your Dead To Rest
I Wont Look Back In For Memory

But Don't Rush Us Out Like I Sold You
Are You A Killer And I Think I Know Its You
I Was Deep In That Night I Know Its Taking This
So Hurry Up To Figure You Out To Insult'
Your Glass Kept From Falling Down
One Time From Your Good Times
I'm Not Interested In Working This Out

And That's What You Are
I Said Blistered Fucking Mess
Fuck Off To Be Without You
Die In Use To Burn Just Bury
Any Part Because The Walk On My Hand
Not Even Not Even Kick You When Your Down
Though You Wanted Something Because You
Are Living The Lonely Star
But This Is The Part Where I Say Goodbye!
(And Let The Scent Of Time)
Pull Over Us Say Goodbye!
And Let The Scent Of Time Pull Over Us

You Never Had To Crawl
You Never Had To Say What It Feels Like
To Be So Trapped Underneath
The Weight Of Someone's World Comes Crashing Down On Me
I Was Longing To Be Free I have Left A Burden In You And Me

This Is My Farewell To You And I
This Could All End In Tragedy
Thursday, September 14th, 2006
11:08 am
im reading alot about Existentialism,Idealism,Humanism,nihilism,agnosticism
interesting stuff...


i fully believe in idealism

Idealism is an approach to philosophical enquiry which asserts that everything is of a mental nature. An Idealist either asserts that only minds and the objects of mind exist, or that everything is composed of mental realities

and i also believe very strongly in nihilism

Nihilism is a philosophical position which argues that the world, and especially human existence, is without objective meaning, purpose, comprehensible truth, or essential value. Nihilists generally assert some or all of the following: there is no reasonable proof of the existence of a higher ruler or creator, a "true morality" is unknown, and secular ethics are impossible;therefore, life has no truth, and no action is known to be preferable to any other


and i am agnostic.

Agnosticism is the philosophical view that the value of certain claims as truth—particularly theological claims regarding the existence of God, gods, or deities—are unknown, inherently unknowable, or incoherent and thus irrelevant to life




There are no facts, only interpretations.

Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

"I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth."


we as human beings refuse to accept that life is meaningless. even though it really is. we seek meaning in love. in realtionships, in sports,in working among other things.
we use diversions to escape from our boredoms. from our fears. from our insecurities. love is a diversion. happiness is a diversion.
sadness and pain are also diversions. in reality pain doesnt exist. neither does being happy.
there is no reality. its all subjective. we fool ourself's that something is real. take sex for example. good sex you orgasm.
eating something you enjoy or listening to a song you love is like a mini orgasm. therefore couldnt doing a favorite activity be sex?
in bad sex u dont orgasm.so could it be that it isnt sex? or is sex the simple act of penetration?


life is about chaos in in its purest form.

People who have given us their complete confidence believe that they have a right to ours. The inference is false, a gift confers no rights.

One should die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.



In the beautiful, man sets himself up as the standard of perfection; in select cases he worships himself in it. . . . Man believes that the world itself is filled with beauty - he forgets that it is he who has created it. He alone has bestowed beauty upon the world - alas! only a very human, an all too human, beauty



Nietzsche qoutes

In heaven all the interesting people are missing.



Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself.

For believe me: the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and greatest enjoyment is - to live dangerously.

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.
Wednesday, September 13th, 2006
11:31 am
it's not the end that i fear with each breath, it's life that scares me to death
i feel like time is slipping away to fast. like my life is like a newspaper article floating in the breeze... i found out a friend of mine's fiance is pregnant and he is only 20. he is so happy about being a father. i feel like im being run thru a cheese grater...
sometimes i feel like donnie darko. only there is no jet engine crashing thru the ceiling.
though sometimes i wish there would be as long as it only hit my side of the bed.....




please don't ask me how
I ended up at my wits end and breaking down
pages torn from books we never read
because we're plugged into this grid
don't pull this plug right now or then we'd really have to live

when i die will they remember not what i did but what i haven't done?
it's not the end that i fear with each breath, it's life that scares me to death

when we build these dreams on sand
how they all slip through our hands
this might be our only chance

let's take this one day at a time
i'll hold your hand if you hold mine
the time that we kill keeps us alive

your words won't save me now
i'm at the edge feeling the sweat drop from my brow
get a grip on yourself is what they say
every hour every day
hands over my ears, i've been screaming all these years


when i die will they remember not what i did but what i haven't done?
it's not the end i fear with each breath, it's life that scares me to death

when we build these dreams on sand
how they all slip through our hands
this might be our only chance

let's take this one day at a time
i'll hold your hand if you hold mine
the time that we kill keeps us alive

we came in search of answers
we left empty handed again
shots fired into the sky are now returning
where the fuck will you hide?

hiding from the laughter in the closet of our lives
but the door hinges are squeaking letting in thin shards of light
and now a hand's extending outward, quiet comfort they invite
do we dare take what they offer, do we step into the light?

Current Mood: sad
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